Identity

Amorphous (by me)

Glass-like molten pieces of me
Red-fire incandescent mixed-up pieces of someone
Someone that used to be me
Shattered remains of an unknown unmet personage
Listless remnants of my limbs
Leftovers of who once I was to be

Waiting, hoping, deceiving myself
My bigoted ego
The unbreakable mirror
That reflects nothing, but pain
That shapeless untamable silhouette
That darkens the prison where I stay

Barbed wire around my body and neck
Doing in, doing deep
The stems of the rose of pain
Entangled forever around my brain
Eyeless sound
Fake hatred
Forced love
Untrue feelings, my filthy façade

Where is the craftsman I need
To shape and model my unborn dreams?
Hopelessly awaiting in this illusion
As blurred and diffuse as my confusion
Wild pieces, my jigsaw
The undefined definition
That puzzles me up
And makes my heart want to vomit blood

How many times have I lied to myself? How many tears have been spoiled for the sake of trying to survive? Where have I been led to? Did I get anything worthy enough as to justify so much suffering? If only I could see things clearer…

I am my words, my thoughts… but, are they really mine? Sometimes I feel I am supposed to be someone else’s shadow, to be a mirror of the reality that surrounds me, it’s just untouchable; it looks so distant from here. I am depersonalized. Under a foggy shady crystal everything looks dim and shallow.

Will I be able to turn chaos into order? Will I be able to solve the puzzle of my identity and put all the pieces altogether in the right place? Will I try to, desperately, put myself together while my innermost feelings are dissolving and fading away? This ephemeral hurtful fantasy.